My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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