you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
