you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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