Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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