no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
