So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
