you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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