she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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