i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize