So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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