you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
