I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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