Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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