you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
just tell him i said nine months
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
