dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
