I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
