hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
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