Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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