I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
