Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
