careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize