Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
