if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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