hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
