I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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