Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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