Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
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