I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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