my mouth tastes like poor choices
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Randomize
