final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
