Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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