where am i from again
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
