I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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