And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
