If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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