Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
