does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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