he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
