My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
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