just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
