I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I am midnight drunk by noon
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
