Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
