we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
