i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
