Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
