bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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