He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
