Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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