hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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