i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
