I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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