It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize