we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
