The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
