There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
