remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
