he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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