Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
