i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
