the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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