Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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