My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
