Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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