there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
