Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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