video games are the ultimate cock blocker
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
