my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
