I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Randomize
