I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
