Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
