He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Randomize
