He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
