I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
