dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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