where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
