it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
