Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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