It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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