I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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