Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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