cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
