meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
