is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
