I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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