a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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